I recently finished reading Dr. David Edgington’s book on patriarchal marriage and the epidemic of marriages being destroyed by feminism. I realized by the very last chapter that I am really not the target audience for a book such as this. So I bear that in mind as I write this review. I eagerly purchased the book on pre-order and listened to multiple podcasts highlighting the need for such a work in today’s culture of marriages fraught with a lack of submission and true leadership. I looked forward to gaining some insights for how I as a submitted wife in desperate need of examples and advice for living out submission better could be armed with more tools for living out God’s ancient design for couples.
I was disappointed.
But first, the good. Part One of the book is titled Foundations, and I found it to be extremely helpful. Dr. Edgington makes a solid case for why patriarchy is biblical, and aptly speaks to modern criticisms of a system that has worked so well for thousands of years because it is centered on how men and women are designed by God. The three chapters in Part One would be an excellent primer on patriarchy for anyone seeking to honor God in marriage but confused by the cacophony of complementarian and outright feminist views heralded by pastors and counselors everywhere in the church today.
In Part Two, Dr. Edgington takes particular aim at the pastors who almost exclusively address the sin of husbands while ignoring the sin of wives in the marriage relationship. These White Knights do not bring women into repentance and submission, but encourage their rebellion. He addresses counselors who pull women into counseling without their husbands, hearing only one side and thus making judgments without the benefit of seeing the complete picture. He encourages joint counseling sessions in order to hear both husband and wife and thus counsel in wisdom. He rightfully calls into question modern psychology methods and the wake of destruction they have left in marriages everywhere. His call to pastors to adopt nouthetic counseling (Bible-based, rejecting modern psychology) is based on experiences with hundreds of couples who do not need more squishy self-help strategies, but need to build (or rebuild) their marriage foundation on the bedrock of Scripture. For some couples, learning with this approach will be the first time they ever thought the Bible was applicable to their own situations.
“This is your daily reminder that you don’t hate feminism enough.”
-Dr. David Edgington
Now for the rest.
For much of Part Two and Part Three of this book, my mouth was agape as I read story after story of horrible Reviling Wives (RWs) depriving their husbands of peace, generally living completely for themselves and their own desires, disobedient, unsubmitted, controlling and leading the household, turning their children against their fathers, getting their pastors to discipline and sometimes even excommunicate their husbands from the church, and by their unbiblical behavior showcasing every negative description of a woman in the book of Proverbs. Edgington says more than once that these women are likely not even truly regenerate. No man in his right mind would want a wife such as these RWs.
Honestly, I can only imagine the amplified fear of a young single man reading this book, hoping to have his own beloved wife someday and avoid the dangerous pitfalls of egalitarian marriage. The takeaway message? Don’t marry a woman like this, but also, it will probably be really hard to find your own submitted, God-fearing woman. In an age when young men are already struggling extraordinarily to find a godly woman to partner with for life, this book was so very discouraging. On one hand, the author clearly knows what time it is and is willing to stand and fight the dragon of feminism with the Sword of the Spirit. On the other, he has failed to give a hopeful picture for the future generations. The final chapter, “God’s Beautiful Design for Marriage,” while wonderfully written, did little to overcome the negative image gruesomely depicted throughout the entire book.
This brings me to my next point. I found the tone of this book to be highly reactionary. Reactionary to the feminism oozing out of every corner of our society. Reactionary to the many destroyed marriages in the church. Reactionary to the reality of godly men trying with everything they have to hold on to the blessed estate of marriage but thwarted at every turn. The situation we find ourselves in is indeed worthy of righteous anger, and a healthy dose of it. Even committed to patriarchy, I am constantly reminded of and have to keep guard against feminism and rebellion. This book unapologetically addresses this, in case you didn’t have any idea what is going on in our world today.
But the problem with being reactionary is that it tends to come across as merely venting anger. There was a great amount of shock value and a broad jumble of horror stories thrown in throughout this book. But exaggeration without implementable solutions is unhelpful. Hyperbolic accusations without instruction in considerate communication between men and women doesn’t offer hope. You don’t really offer true hope listing out “Twisting Terms, Weaponizing Words” without guiding husbands to live out 1 Peter 3:7, i.e. know just how to help their wives who truly are the weaker vessels. Wives weren’t given advice for what to say instead of these weaponized words, or how to bring a respectful appeal to a husband when it is truly called for. Practically actionable advice was lacking throughout, and I was left with a strong sense of disquiet but without a clear strategy.
I can see how this book will stir men (and women?) up to outrage, rightfully so when one considers what has been lost. However, the action steps for men – to be strong and courageous, to embrace patriarchy and not back down from their wives, to fear God rather than their wives, to lead their homes with wisdom and patience – only vaguely filled a few pages at the very end of the book. We’re going to need a lot more instruction if we truly want to climb out of the quagmire we’re in. Most people, including me as I started repenting of egalitarianism many years ago, don’t have the first idea about how to implement the overarching principles expressed by Dr. Edgington. The book simply was not practical enough even for the most committed couples. Again, telling men that their genuine RWs probably will not repent is incredibly disheartening! What is a man supposed to do with this information other than go set up camp on the corner of his roof?
“This kingdom [of heaven] suffereth violence. It is a metaphor from a town or castle that holds out in war and is not taken but by storm. So the kingdom of heaven will not be taken without violence…Too much leniency emboldens sin and doth but shave the head which deserves to be cut off.”
-from Thomas Watson’s Heaven Taken By Storm ca. 1670
Men and women who find themselves in a marriage plagued by the evils of feminism but with a desire to repent and live biblically likely need to work with a nouthetic counselor, possibly one in Dr. Edgington’s network, Compassionate Counselors. Perhaps Dr. Edgington’s endeavors with couples that are committed to embracing patriarchal marriage is where the lifestyle practices come out. Each situation probably needs individualized implementation, despite the fact that biblical principles are universal. To be fair, it is possible that this book is mainly meant to galvanize husbands, pastors, and counselors to acknowledge the tragic, unbiblical state of many marriages. I read it in good faith as a wife, but was quite discouraged by the end even though I did pick up a few points of conviction and a call to repentance along the way. Getting stirred up to action is an important first step. I do not think that White Knights and Reviling Wives is intended to be a patriarchal marriage manual. It is highly unlikely that an RW is going to pick up this book and read it with anything more than a true-to-nature critical spirit, but it seems clear that the book wasn’t written for RWs. If the target audience is husbands who know something is wrong but haven’t yet put their finger on it, this is probably a good book to read. Even for husbands and wives who are faithfully sitting in the choir enjoying the preaching, we’ll find some solid truth here.
In the meantime, I will continue my search for the few resources available that teach the art of faithful adherence to biblical marriage. For those who also desire some exceedingly practical information for walking in biblical patriarchy and rejecting egalitarianism, I heartily recommend the following as both a basis for proper theological understanding and some step-by-step instructions (if you are like me and really need it to be very simple and executable).
Reforming Marriage – Doug Wilson
For a Glory and a Covering – Doug Wilson
Eve in Exile – Rebekah Merkle
Building Her House – Nancy Wilson
The Power of a Transformed Wife – Lori Alexander
Bright Hearth Podcast – Brian & Lexy Sauve
Hebron Heights Academy 